God & Marwari

God & Marwari...!! !



A Marwari prays to god coz he was
having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother,

to God.......

God happy with his prays, grants him only 1 wish....................




Marwari : I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles

on my Child's hands in our new home!



God : socked!!! I still have a lot to learn from these Marwari's !

WHAT HAPPENS IF UR HUSBAND IS SOFTWARE ENGINEER

Husband - hey HONEY, I am logged in

Wife - would u like to have some thing to eat
Husband - hard disk full


Wife - JANU have u brought the saree
Husband - Bad command or file name


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - WRONG syntax, abort, retry, cancel


Wife - he bhagwan i forget it where is your salary
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time


Wife - at least give me ur credit card, so I can do some shopping
Husband - sharing violation, access denied


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you
Husband - data type mismatch


Wife - you are useless
Husband - by default


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

What is BUSINESS ?

What is BUSINESS ?
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.Son: NoDad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter.Son: then Ok.
Dad goes o Bill Gates.Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.Bill Gates: NoDad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.Bill Gates: Than ok
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.Dad:Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.President:NoDad:He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.President: Then OK
That’s business…!!

WHAT IS A KISS

What is a kiss???
according to
………..
(1)Geometry…
“KISS IS THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN 2 LIPS!”
(2)Economics…
“KISS IS THAT THING FOR WHICH DEMAND IS ALWAYS HIGHER THAN SUPPLY!”
(3)Physics…
KISS IS THE PROCESS OF CHARGING A HUMAN BODY!”
(4)Computer…
“KISS IS LIKE A LAN, IN WHICH 2 BODIES ARE CONNECTED WITHOUT ANY DATA CABLE!”



what do u say......

FUNNY

SOME common English sayings direct translate in Hindi ??? Just for fun :-)
Have a nice day! ----> Achcha din lo!

What's up? ----- >Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding! -----> Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me! -----> Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up? -----> Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

Cool man! ----- >Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man! ---- >Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Don't mess with me, dude. ----- >Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

She's so fine! -----> Who itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!? -----> Suno dost, who chooza mera hai, theek?

Hey good looking; what's cooking? ---- >Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts? ----- >Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun. ----- >Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party. ----> Party mein patthar feko.

And the best ones are.....

How do you do? -----> Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch! ----- >Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out! ----- >Chalo bahar latakte hain

MISTAKES THAT HAPPEN IN BOLLYWOOD

Baghban: Amitabh Bachchan & Hema Malini are separated right after Holi remember Amitabh singing Holi khele Raghubeera . They are said to beseparated for six months(remember it), ie from March to September coz holi is in march. Within that six-month period, they celebrate Valentine's Day, which is on February 14, and karva chauth, which is usually observed in October. There is no way these two occasions could come between March and September!
BOLLYWOOD......ANY THING CAN HAPPEN


Lagaan: Lagaan was shot in the late 19th century. At the time, an over in cricket used to consist of 8 balls. But in this movie, an over has 6 balls.

THE BEST ONE
Pyar To Hona Hi Tha: Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at the railway station and the train GOES off without her. Poor girl,diNT KNEW that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

THAT IS OUR BOLLYWOOD.............

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi: Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America ?????? Well,! well, some promotion for our Indian JetAirways..... ......... ...
WHEN DID JET AIRWAYS GO TO AMERICS.STRANGE
The last one is ultimate.... ........and horrible.... ......






Tere Mere Sapne: Priya Gill is doing her BA. But at the bus stop, she is carrying an ELECTRICAL TECHNOLOGY by B L Theraja..... (Himmat to dekho.....)
BA KE HAATH ME ENGG KE BOOK
BOLLYWOOD.............

REAL FACT

IF A PERSON SLEEPS FOR 8 HRS PER DAY (GENERALLY EVERYBODY SLEEPS FOR 8 HRS)
THEN ,
WHEN HE REACHES AGE OF 80 YEARS
HE HAS SPEND AROUND 26 YEARS OF HIS LIFE SLEEPING........
ISNT IT AMAZING

PLZ LEAVE UR COMMENTS

IMPORTANCE OF WOMEN IN UR LIFE

IMPORTANCE OFWomen...In My Life'

I was Born,a Woman was there to Hold me.......

My Mother


I grew as a Child.....a Woman was there to Care for me......to Play with me.......

My Sister


I went to School..... a Woman was there to Help me Learn......

My Teacher

I became Depress, whenever I Losta Woman was there to offer a Shoulder........

My Wife

I became Tough......a Woman was there to Melt me.........

My Daughter

I am Dyinga Woman is there to Absorb me in..........

My Motherland

FUNNY STORY

One day rohans's dad bought a robot.
The robot was vary special it could detect a lie & would slap the person who lied on the face.
one day rohan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".
rohan replied , "Dad we had extra classes todayso i got late".
the Robot jumped up and
slapped
rohan on his face.
His dad told him "(son), This robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, Why are you late?"
"Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie? "mummy ",

rohan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honest I went for the adult movie."
Dad :"Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot
Hearing all this, rohans mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying,
"After all he is your son.......", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on rohans's mother's face

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

Dear Tech Support Team,


Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, Beer With Buddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected.I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0


Please help!




LEAVE UR COMMENTS............

SMILE 4 U

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called"Saints"But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker ' s T Shirt:"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3.) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..Love is always present.. Its just that,One loves too much, Andthe other loves too many,

4.) Employee:Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!BOSS:Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5.) Philosophy of lifeAt the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband asGOD,Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6.) What is a Fear?Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomachWhen pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

7.) UsefulSomeone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wiseman cannot answer"No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8.) Girl:Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?Shopkeeper:Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"Girl:That ' s good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "Applicant:What is it?Interviewer:Its called the "door..!"

10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..Drive Slowly, Don ' t kill our Employee..... Leave them to us

BEGGERS OF TODAY....

every day a man passes by a begger and gives him Rs.10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7.50
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
the begger says plz dont educate them on my expances......

FUNNY LEAVE LETTERS

here is a collection of leave letters & applications written by people in various places of India
-------->
Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave ,he wrote Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
-------->
This one is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days"
-------->
Another from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
-------->
From H.A.L. Administration dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
-------->
Another employee applied for half day leave : "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
-------->
An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
-------->
A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request u to leave me today"
-------->
Another leave letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
-------->
Actual letter written for application of leave: "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
--------> A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

MEN VS WOMEN

Men:


1. All men are extremely busy.


2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.


3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.


4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.


5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.


6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.


7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.




Women:


1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.


2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.


3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.


4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.


5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".


6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.


7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

PROUD TO B AN INDIAN

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God

"O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 Per call" sign under it. The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone. He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" Readers, it is your turn. Think before you scroll down...



The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call". This is the only heaven on the Earth

****!!!,,,, ||Girls Psychology || ,,,,!!!****

****!!!,,,, ||Girls Psychology || ,,,,!!!****

Fraud with Innocent Boys


Fun with Handsome Boys


Friendship with Charming Boys


Contact with Intelligent Boys


Flirt with Freaky Boys


Love with Faithful Boys


& in the end



Marriage with the Rich Boy



Moral of the story



Chandramukhi ho yaa Paaro, Sab Ek jaisi hai Yaaro !

COMPUTER VS BOLLYWOOD

COMPUTER v/s BOLLYWOOD
PENTIUM IV AND PENTIUM I ----> BADE MIYAN CHHOTE MIYAN

COMPUTER INFECTED BY VIRUS ----> PYAR TO HONA HI THA

HARDDISC & FLOPPYDISC ----> GHARWALI BAHARWALI

Esc ----> NAU DO GYARAH

Ctrl+Alt+Del ----> AAKHARI RASTA

UNDO ----> AA AB LAUT CHHALE

COMPUTER WITHOUT RAM ----> KORA KAGAZ

COMPUTER WHOSE OS IS DOS ----> BUDDHA MIL GAYA

VIRUS ----> JALLA KAR RAAKH KAR DUNGA

HARDDISC PARTITION ----> BATWARA

HARDWARE & SOFTWARE ----> EK DUJE KE LIYE

TEMPORARY FILE ----> KHOTE SIKKEY

SOFTWARE PIRACY ----> AANDHA KANOON

STORAGE ----> TEHKHANA

HACKERS ----> CHAMBAL KE DAKU


PLZ LEAVE UR COMMENTS.....................................

A TO Z

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple

HEART TOUCHING STORY

A new office was opening & one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers to greet him.
The flowers arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
he shouted on the florist the florist said
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'

WHO IS INTELLEGENT

A REAL Proof of which Gender is Intelligent MALE OR FEMALE IS HERE
An English professor wrote the words:
" A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly..
All of the males in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote : "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
SO U ONLY DECIDE MALE OR FEMALE WHO IS MORE INTELLEGENT